The Search for Beauty

Have you ever had a phrase that just keeps scrolling through you head? You don't know where it came from or what it means; it's just there. One of my more recent cases (remind me to make a list of them) was a voice telling me, "You are in a constant search for beauty." I feel like this describes the artist in general, but I have come to see the ways it applies to me specifically. Aside from a common appreciation for the external world, I also find myself interested in the very detailed feelings and emotions that are affected by my environment. And there is a great deal of stress in this when I can't find the outlet for this. I think this is why the artist/creative type needs to create. It's to share their perception of the world in as accurate a way as possible.

A few weeks ago, I went to a spinal injury recover center with Maura. I prefer to think of it as a hospital, even though it's not exactly the same. I have been to any sort of hospital very few times, and whenever I do, the atmosphere is always more unfamiliar than the last. The interesting thing to note about this most recent visit, was the fact that I was silent (to a degree). This is a very impressive task for me. I couldn't exactly describe my reasons for being so quiet, and I sort of brushed at off as a lack of comfort. In retrospect, it was related to the unfamiliar setting, but to be more precise, I was taking in my surroundings. In the background, situations within the setting built themselves; the elements that create the atmosphere searched for any entrance to the forefront of my brain; I was in desperate search of a way to describe it.

I never did find it, and I'd need to go back a few more times before I get an answer, but I've left with a certain idea that may be important. It relates to aesthetics. What is beauty. Well, despite the title, beauty is somewhat trivial in this sense. It describes one part of a whole. And this is for me personally; I get the feeling it doesn't apply to everyone. The alertness that comes with emotions is directly related to the fruitless attempt to try and explain or understand them. I remember a point, where I'd take careful note whenever I'd cry, because it was so rare that I ever cried. I wanted to understand it, and once I did, I stopped noticing. This happens through a myriad of emotions, most of which don't have names. A common denominator between them is that they are all brought about by sense memory.

Rather than rambling on about this phenomenon, I think it would be more comfortable if I listed examples instead.

• Sight
•     I have countless pictures of people, most of whom I don't know, who strike me in a certain way. The kind of people who automatically dray my attention.

<I'll finish this when I find more examples> <Need more time to search desktop. tired.>

Another Annoyingly Long Extract From My Theatre Blog

Critical Response to Diploma Programme Theatre - Guide - Journal Syllabus

The journal

Introduction
Students at both HL and SL should keep a journal from the outset of the course. This is the student’s own record, charting development, challenges and achievements, and, as such, students are free to determine what form it should take (written, audio and/or visual). The aim of the journal is to support and nurture development and reflection, and it is expected that much of the students’ assessed work will emerge from it. Students should also be encouraged to explore connections between different areas of learning throughout the course. The journal is not directly assessed or moderated but, since what it contains will reflect the sensibility of individual students, and will contain their responses to the different areas of learning, it should be regarded as a fundamental activity of the course.

Focus and selection of material
The journal should contain an objective review of the work done during the course, and the student’s reflection on his or her own progress. It should focus specifically on learning experiences, rather than being simply a record of triumphs or an exhaustive chronicle of everything the student experiences in theatre. Therefore, students should select carefully those experiences from the course that illustrate personal growth and understanding of theatre. It should indicate development and progress that reveal the extent and direction of the student’s journey throughout the course. Challenges and obstacles in activities should be included, as well as steps forward.

Students should develop a critical relationship with theatre and may use the journal to debate theory and practice in their own work. They may use it as a space for experimentation, where different stylistic approaches to acting or theatre design could be articulated either in words or visuals. Critical responses to external productions should also be included, where students can test their own ideas about performance against what contemporary productions offer.

Students should not use the journal to engage with their personal emotions, but should strive to reflect on and analyse their experiences at various stages of development. Before adding anything to it, students should ask the questions “Why am I including this?” and “How is this a reflection of my experience of theatre, my discoveries in theatre, and the development of my knowledge, understanding and skills?” Students should draw upon the journal as a useful resource once they start work on their independent project portfolio.

-From the IBO - Diploma Program - Theatre Guide

The above text is taken from the IBO Theatre Syllabus guide. After reading this, I developed a critical outlook on the matter of the journal as seen by the IBO. If I were to look at this without the intent of remaining objective, I could clearly note that I disagree with the IBO criterion on the journal. So in this sense, my opinions are blatantly subjective, and are likely to apply to me, only. In the objective sense, I merely believe that the description of the journal in the syllabus guide may follow a criterion for a goal that limits the full potential of the journal. In this sense, the journal follows more of an intent as a systematic record than as a method of organizing thoughts. There are a few key phrases that may be pointed out.


My main criticism is towards the Focus and Selection of Material section of the Journal. It seems to primarily focus on the selection of thoughts as a key point. In the first paragraph of this section, it notes that the student should carefully select the experiences in which personal growth is demonstrated. I do agree that, in the sense of aesthetic writing, conciseness is important, but I fail to see the relevance of selectivity in relation to a journal. If the function of the journal is to track progress and development, then why does it matter what information is included, as long as the reflection is thorough? It seems to me that any exclusion of information or selectivity towards ones personal development would undermine the objective nature of the journal.

My greatest deviation from the DP description of the journal (and possibly my most subjective) is with the deterrence of the student from engaging with personal emotions. I believe that, although bound for subjectivity, emotions are an important part of the process of theatre and all forms of Art. They tend to swell up confusion in the thoughts of the student. They must be addressed in the journal, because if they are not, they will continue to blur the individuals thoughts and they will ultimately lead to an outlook on theatre and is faulted or vague. I have often used journals as a method of organizing myself, both emotionally and cognitively. Emotion and thoughts are interrelated, and through the journal, both can be sorted out so that the student can develop a clear understanding of theatre, through both its individual effects and its importance as a whole. I believe this will actually allow for greater objectivity in other writings and reflections.

“How is this a reflection of my experience of theatre, my discoveries in theatre, and the development of my knowledge, understanding and skills?”

I do not see the coherence of the extracted statement above with the idea of keeping an objective journal. It seems to me that this mindset of selectivity towards reflection would allow for a subjective portrayal of one's self. It allows for the student to add a subconscious bias towards what is included to reflect development and growth. If the point of the journal is to reflect a students growth objectively, it should include the raw reflections of the student as the whole. These can be analyzed whenever it is necessary to review ones growth.

I agree that research and review is fairly important. Objectivity should apply in these senses and these should be included, but my main concern is not with the information that is included, it is with the information that is excluded. From my subjective viewpoint, I believe that, as long as organizational measures are taken, it should not matter which information is excluded if all the information that is necessary is included as well. My primary disagreement with the IBO description of the journal is with the information it believes should be excluded, not the information that it calls for.


Source Cited:

International Baccalaureate Organization. "Syllabus Details - The Journal." Diploma Programme Theatre—guide. Cardiff: International Baccalaureate Organization, 2007. 17-18. Print.

Extract From My Theatre Blog: Beijing Opera

After deciding to look into my culture from my Chinese perspective and background, I asked my mother what type of theatre practices she had experienced when she was growing up in China. She noted the most memorable and widespread was Chinese Opera. Beijing Opera, or Peking Opera (京剧), is among the most well-recognized of Chinese theatrical practices. 

History:
Despite the name, the Beijing Opera did not originate in Beijing. The Beigjing opera came into being in 1790 when the four famous opera troupes of the Anhui province gathered in Beijing to perform for the birthday of Emperor Qianlong. After a while, the performances became public. In 1828, the Anhui opera troupes began to perform with opera troupes from Hubei, and the two forms gradually developed Beijing Opera's main melodies. The theatrical practice of the Beijing Opera was originally male-only, as women were prohibited from performing.


Singing:
In earlier years, in order to sing over the orchestra, singers would develop a loud, piercing tone that could project over the orchestra. It is a fairly distinct type of singing that can seem displeasing to some western viewers. Chinese opera as a whole has developed into its own discipline of singing. There are four levels of song: Song with music, recitation of verse, dialogue in prose, and non-verbal vocalizations. The three main singing techniques used in Beijing Opera are breath control, pronunciation, and special Beijing opera pronunciation. Non-verbal vocalizations would likely be the most unfamiliar of the song levels. It refers to songs that are not made up of actual words.

Repertoire:   
The Repertoire of Beijing Opera consists of nearly 1500 works. Most of the plays are derived from Chinese historical novels and traditional stories. They are actually fairly informational towards the history and culture of China. The plays are traditionally categorized into two types: Civil and Martial. Civil plays are more oriented towards plot and character, while martial plays are more geared toward combat and acrobatic feats. Martial plays tend to be more serious than civil plays.

Performing Roles:
One of the most distinctive features of Beijing Opera is the strict use of a set of characters. The characters are categorized into four main roles that differ in age, sex, and social class. They are Sheng (male role), Jing (painted-face male role), Chou (male comedic role), and Dan (female role).

Sheng: Sheng literally translates to person in Chinese. It refers to the main male role of the play. There are numerous subcategories for this type of character. Laosheng refers to old, dignified, sensible, wise characters (my automatic thought is Yoda). Laosheng are generally dressed in sensible clothing. Xiaosheng refers to a young sheng. They are generally high-voiced and wear elaborate costumes. Wusheng is a sheng who is extremely skilled in acrobatics and is highly agile. They often have roles involving combat, and they have a normal voice. Troupes always have one laosheng actor, a xiaosheng actor, and often have a secondary laosheng actor.
 

Pictures of Sheng Roles

Jing: The Jing is the painted face male role, who can either be a supporting or primary role. The jing is generally a forceful and strong character with exaggerated movements. There are 15 basic types of facial patterns for jing make up, but 1000 can exist in variation. Examples include, red to denote loyalty and goodness, white to denote evil, and black to denote integrity. The three main Jing role will either focus on singing, physicality, or acrobatics.

 Pictures of Jing Roles and Jing Make-up

Chou: Chou is literally translated to mean "ugly" in Chinese. The Chou Character is the comedic clown character. Chou actors must be highly skilled, because the Chou role requires a strong voice, acrobatic skill, and comedic acting.  The character itself is highly versatile in terms of status and clothing. The make-up of the Chou is distinct from the Jing make-up in that there is white patch around the nose and eyes. The Chou character would often sing improvised lines in traditional Beijing opera, but much less of that is prevalent in contemporary Beijing Opera. The Chou dialect also tends to be less formal than the other roles. The two types of Chou roles are categorized in the same categories as the two types of Beijing Opera plays: Wenchou (civil) and Wuchou (martial). 

Pictures of Chou Role

Dan: The Dan is the main female role in Beijing Opera. The role is divided into 6 subtypes: Qing Yi (modest, virtuous), Hua Dan (flirtatious, sensual), Gui Men Dan (mature, married girl), Dao Ma Dan (female warrior, female general), Wu Dan (female fighting warrior), and Lao Dan (older woman). Troupes will generally have a young Dan for main role, and an older Dan for supporting roles. The role is highly selective in that the Dan performer must have a good voice, looks, and height. The Qing Yi Dan role is one of the roles most commonly associated with Beijing opera with its high piercing voice. Traditionally the role was only played by men, as women were prohibited from performing. The men would use a technique to imitate the bound feet of Chinese women.   

Pictures of Dan Roles

Movement: 
Gestures and movement are another very distinctive part of Peking Opera aesthetics. They emphasize everyday, well-established gestures, such as stroking a bear, opening a door, eating, and drinking. These are very important in identifying characters. Round, circular movements are heavily utilized while sharp movements are avoided. Much training on behalf of the performersis required to master and perfect these movements. Movements are aimed to convey meaning and beauty rather than reality.

Costumes
Costumes and clothing are key to distinguishing the different characters as well as creating a distinction to the Chinese Opera. The costumes are very lavish and filled with intricate colors. However, a system has been developed so that the different costumes will denote different characters. All high-ranking or high-class characters wear a robe called a mang. Soldier and warrior characters wear armor called Kao. All characters also wear headwear of some sort. Often, especially for high-ranking characters, they will wear an elaborate head dress or hat. Colors will automatically denote different characters. For example, high ranking characters wear red while low-ranking characters wear blue. Masks are also commonly used alongside the intricate face-painting in Beijing opera. A technique known as changing faces is used to display a characters disposition or development. This technique can take years of extensive training to master and perfect. There are four techniques to changing faces: 

Blowing dust - the actor blows a black dust hidden in his palm or beard, and it sticks to his face, creating a change in color and texture.

Manipulating beard - the actor changes the color of his beard while it is being manipulated.

Mop - the actor mops greasepaint over his face hidden in his costume in order to change a facial expression.


Pulling-down masks - the actor pulls a mask that was hidden over his head so that it is over his face.

Stage:
The stage of Beijing Opera is often very simple. The audience is always seated south of the stage. Performers always move towards "Center North" at the beginning of the performance. They always enter in the east and exit in the west. This is very symbolic of the aspect of nature in Beijing Opera tradition. Very few props are used, and those that are can be used to convey the meaning of larger settings. For example, an oar may represent a boat. The stage almost always has a boat and a chair which can be transformed by convention into various other objects.

Personal Western Impressions:

• I find that the use of colors is an elegant way to denote characters. With different arrangements of colors being able to say so much about a character, its almost a literal version of painting a character.
• The notion that a performer must always use four main skills of: Song, Speech, Dance-Acting, and Combat/Acrobatics echoes that of certain aspects of the theatre I have learned. For example, and actors tools are imagination, voice, and body. 
• Chinese martial arts seem to be a key influence on Chinese Opera. 
• What sticks out to me is training of the performers. The performer must train from an early age in order to perfect a single role such as laosheng or xiaosheng. 
• Even with the help of my five-years of Chinese classes, I still found it very hard to find videos of Beijing Opera performances. It is very hard to find full videos of performances so I was only able to catch small glimpses of performances. It may be interesting to note that, when I typed in English, I found far fewer videos with singing than when I typed in Chinese. 
• Despite the many similarities with western opera and musical theatre, I find Beijing Opera performances to be very alien to me, and I feel the same would apply to most western viewers. Similarities in structure still exist, and language might be the greatest barrier, but what struck me as most foreign were the elements that make it distinct. The singing was always done in very high piercing registers with a very nasal tone, especially for the male-Dan roles. The overall effect on myself as a primarily western viewer was that of discomfort. This may also be related to the video recording itself rather than the opera. The costumes were more intricate than I had imagined, and I could still see he great difficult involved in the movement with the bulky costumes. The movement was much more subtle than I had expected, but still much more exaggerated than what I am used to. 
• The civil plays seem to cohere much more closely to the western theatre I am used to, while the martial plays are much more foreign to me. 
• In many ways I feel that my search for videos was limited and incomplete, and I require a greater perspective on the Beijing Opera than can be found with a computer.
• The use of percussion is very extensive. Far more extensive than I have made clear above.
• I looked into numerous videos under the following search terms:
• Beijing Opera
• Peking Opera
• Farewell my Concubine
• Havoc in Heaven
• 京剧
• 京剧老生
• 京剧生
• 京剧文丑
• 京剧净 

Here are some videos I found and used for research:

Maura (or as I say, "Moy-ruh")

Okay, I rarely write blogs that explicitly mention people in my life. However, I have an exception for this blog post.

Maura!

Maura is one of those friends who can always make me feel better. It's actually quite impressive. I can't stay upset even if I try to stay in a bad mood. And she never seems to get bored of listening to me complain. It's as if she enjoys it. It's fairly rare to find a friend like Maura, but I must say, friends like her are very important; a friend who balances your traits perfectly; a friend who is always there when you need them; a friend who actually reads your blog.

So. How did I meet such a great friend? Well, to be honest, we weren't exactly friends from the moment we met. We had mutual friends, and our main interaction was talking about a music distributor that she wanted me to join. I'd say that we started to become friends after Urinetown, a play in which I was a chorus member, and she was backstage manager. At the very end of the show, on closing night, I felt like I hadn't gained anything from Urinetown. I had never felt like a part of the ensemble in the show, I felt like I had gained no friends, even lost friends. But at some point later, though, I received a text from Maura saying, "You better hang out even though Urinetown is over." This is where the constant event of Maura making me brighten begins. With her reminding me of the friends I had made.
Yet, we still didn't hang out much after that. It wasn't until Flowers for Algernon was over that we became really close friends. Over the course of the rehearsals, we found that we share a sort of common past and mindset. I found Maura to be quite an enigma almost simultaneously with the enigma being broken. We continued to exchange emotions even after the production was over. Oh. And I forgot to mention. She saved me from a knife attack many times throughout the production ;).

Since then we've continued to become better friends day-by-day, and I could honestly go on forever about all the reasons Maura is such a great friend, but I can barely scratch the surface without getting carpel tunnel. A supportive friend doesn't even start to describe Maura, she's gone very far out of her way to pick me up when I'm feeling down. In a recent example, when I told her I'd been having a rough week, she went and bought me a book to get my mind off things and help me think. Needless to say, it worked, and I still use the book for that purpose. It was book of weapons, because she noticed my fascination with weapons. There was also a little note in it that I might find the time to post a picture of.

But Maura isn't just a "yes-friend." She knows when to say stop or think about this, and in a way that doesn't lead to resentment. Although, I rarely admit it, I generally take Maura's advice. I hold her opinion's highly. Why is that? Because Maura is smart. Very smart. I don't think she recognizes this quite as much as she should. I don't think I recognized it very well at first, and that's not to say that she doesn't come across as smart. It was probably my cockiness blinding me, but I've come to realize that Maura's actually quite the genius; much more so than me. To add to this, she is quite the writer, and her blog is much more impressive than mine.

I really do want to say more, and I probably will, but I think it's about time I unblock my blog for this surprise. I'll end by saying this: Even as time progresses and things change, I hope to god that me and Maura remain life-long friends, because I may never get another friend like her. :)

The History of Man

The History of Man

In the Beginning,
As some may say,
Man was content to spend his days
Inside, within the walls of his home.
Man was without a desire to learn of the outside,
Until he invented the window.

And saw the world outside.
For the first time,
Man ventured outside his home.
And called his home to follow.

And through his curiosity,
Man began to walk.
He traveled in many different paths.
And it was many years before his paths crossed.

And when they did,
Man saw his own reflection.
He had walked for so long
That he could not recognize his own shadow.

And in his fear,
Man and his reflection began to fight.
It was in his nature to do so.
But it was inevitable that he and his shadow would shake hands.

And from that reflection,
Man was given company
with whom he could share his stories of travels.
And hear travels he had not remembered.

And from these stories.
Man found that his world was filled with horrors.
He looked around to find
That night had come, and darkness had fallen.

And for the first time,
Man heard sounds,
And saw shadows,
Of those which could not be explained.

And from these new shadows,
Man found a new fear of the unknown.
So he returned to where he had come from in the Beginning.
Back to the safety within the walls of his home.

The Boy in the Tree

The Boy in the Tree

There is a boy up in the tree.

He always sits there watching me.

No matter how I try to stop,

He's still the only thing I see.

He sits up there amongst the leaves.

Between the branches and the weaves

I swear I see him sitting there.

But still it seems no one believes.

I only see a silhouette.

A shadow that my mind accepts

I tell myself he is not real.

But still upon the branch he's set.

A rope around his neck I see.

The boy who sits upon the tree.

And as he hangs from where sat

I see his face and find he's me.

The Final Chapter 11

As of Friday, Borders liquidates its remaining 400 stores. The entire company will be completely shut down by September. I can't really look at this from any sort of business perspective, but from a personal standpoint, I see this as a tragedy.

I've been going to Borders since I was in 3rd grade. It has always been a part of my life, and it is now becoming just a childhood memory. I went to the local borders frequently when I was in middle school to find books on my large collection of interests. This Borders was next to an ice cream store, and had a coffee shop on the top floor. My dad would leave us with a $10 dollar per child budget to buy a book and me and my sister would negotiate money for certain books. I rarely read any of the novels I bought, because they were always above my reading level. I often bought "how-to" books and Star Wars Encyclopedia. If you track the books I bought from Borders, you can see my changing interests. Borders was there for me from my obsession with Star Wars to Airplanes to History to Writing to Music to Film to Acting and back. I would spend hours searching for a reasonably priced book that had everything I wanted. After we bought our books, we would either get hot chocolate or ice cream depending on the season.


I hated and still hate, shopping for books online. I never really went to Borders for the books, I went their for the environment; for the ambiance. Going to the bookstore was something I would always look forward to, because of what it represented. Whether I enjoyed myself while there or not, I would always remember going to Borders as a happy memory. I never really thought that it would become a memory, but now it is. It now represents an end to my childhood; a new chapter in my life, so to speak. I still find myself wanting to go to Borders before realizing that my local store has been torn down. I always thought I would have that store as an adult, as a place of peace. Still, every story has an ending. For me, this is just the ending of another chapter in my life, and it's time for me to turn that final page.