Spain - Final Day

During my last night in Spain, I found a certain dark, wistful, nostalgic feeling in everything I did. I decided to go to the roof one last time to look across the oceans and houses with a pair of binoculars as I had done so much for the past three weeks, knowing it would be my last chance to do so in a long time. Earlier, I had read an article written by someone who works with people who know they are headed towards their death. It described their regrets and their wishes throughout life, and kept an overall moral of carpe diem, or seize the day. I found myself treating my last day in Malaga as if it were my last day alive. In my head I kept repeating the old cliche of "you always think there's more time." I couldnt exactly figure out what it was that I would do if I had more time. I guess I wish I had more time to live in Spain; to take it in. I felt like I wasn't taking enough away with me. While in Torremolino, I had felt homesick for my home in Malaga; moreso than my home in Georgia. When I arrived back in Malaga, I felt a certain feeling of reward returning to what felt like a home. In many ways I had come to call this house on a mountain by the coast a sort of home. There was a certain routine that I had followed for the past three weeks that had involved returning to this house every night, and in my mind, I had started identifying it as "home."

Looking out across the sea from the roof, I was left with what can only be described as pure clarity. Everything in my mind seemed to be in order. There may have been a hurricane of emotion swirling in my head, but they all made sense. For once, my thoughts felt uncluttered and straight. Still, there was a feeling I couldnt quite explain, nor felt the need to explain. A certain satisfaction at finding what you had gone out to seek. Even though I felt my visit to Spain had been cut short- unfinished- I felt that I had found what I had been looking for when I came to Spain. I knew I had come to Spain in search of something, and I knew I wouldn't know what that was, but I know I found it. And as much as I hate to leave Malaga, I know that I would not find this feeling unless my trip came to an end.